Last night we (yes, all three of us) were up from midnight to three a.m. My husband has a deadline and needed to get the door before 6:30 and I had to work from home starting at 6:30. Oh, the joy. My husband looked at me at 7 a.m. (neither of us on time) and said, "If you didn't stay at home with James, we would fight a lot more."
My husband and I fight a lot more these days...We just get so tired. In my prenatal naivete, I did not realize this would happen. The best outcome of all of this tired fighting? We are learning to choose our battles, fight wisely and make it matter. It's actually pretty constructive. And to watch us grow together as people, spouses and parents amazes me. We are at (just about equal) times both better and worse. But we are together and in that, we are better.
Anyway, I felt the need to blog today. I don't have any special wisdom, tips or funny anecdotes. I feel blessed: I love this stage that my son is in right now at 16 months. He is so much fun. His personality explodes and he spouts a new word every other day. He can sign, laugh hysterically, make me laugh when I'm not expecting it, and surprise the dickens out of me.
Well the little guy just woke up from a blessedly long nap.
Peace.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Chasing paper, getting nowhere...
Tim is somewhere on the Little Salmon, floating away from all of his cares and worries...a group of guys are on a 5-day kayaking and rafting trip and Tim, I am sure, is having the time of his life.
It's a good thing I am no stranger to being alone for long stretches with our son. I stayed in Moscow for part of the weekend, but yesterday I had a hot date, sshh!
James and I went to Pig Out in the Park. Well, let me back up.
I woke up yesterday morning and I couldn't move. I had hurt my back so badly that I could barely lift James. Thankfully after yoga, ibuprofen and icing, I was able to move around. Lovely timing to throw my back out with Tim gone for awhile.
But that wasn't going to stop us from having some Labor Day fun! I pack up a few small things, carefully loaded James in the carseat. He was glowing with excitement....or was that the white sheen from his all-natural, hemp-based sunscreen?
I made it down there with no problem (I detest driving in Spokane), found a parking spot by the Arena, which is a small miracle in itself, and completed a one-try, beautiful parallel park. Loaded the kiddo up, took a picture, and we were off!
We had a total blast! Here are the highs (and lows) of our date:
-A little boy gave James his balloon dog--there are still sweet strangers in the world, yes, even in Spokane.
-We played on the big red wagon and James went nuts. I almost went nuts keeping track of him with all the people. I am so nervous that he might get snatched by some weirdo when I blink or something. As we left we noticed some weirdo asshole relieving himself in the bushes next to the wagon. He wasn't homeless or anything. Just a weirdo who thought it was appropriate to do so AROUND CHILDREN. We stayed far away from him.
-We watched a little boy feeding the ducks, geese and seagulls. I thought James would pee his pants, he was so excited to be so close to the birds! (Well, he probably did, I guess.)
-We started to just wander around the park and heard a man who was about 20 feet behind me yell, "Can somebody find a doctor? My friend needs some help!" I turned around and there was a man lying down, chest heaving irregularly and limbs at odd angles. Several people were calling 911 so I did nothing until I realized that I should try to find a policeman or paramedic. As I left to find one, I heard the ambulance coming and a paramedic was there. I confess: we watched for a little while. The ambulance came down and brave men and women in dark blue FDNY helped the terrified man with the heaving chest. They started him on air and we left as they got out the EKG monitor because I realized that if it were me, I would not want an audience. So I am a little ashamed that we watched for so long and I really hope that man is OK. I was so impressed with the medics. I am not sure I could perform well in a job like that.
-Then we wandered around the food vendors. That was pretty fun! I still can't believe it though...I couldn't find anything to eat for dinner! Ha! I must have circled the vendors about four times. I settled on a lemonade and we decided to go home and have a spinach quiche for Labor Day. Not very patriotic, huh?
Anyway, it was an exciting day for that little guy and his mama. He was sweet all evening, ate a whole slice of quiche and some chicken, and then slept through the night.
I really, really miss Tim. It is a lot harder to parent without a spouse (and a very sore back). But, yesterday's "date" will go down in my memory book for sure.
It's a good thing I am no stranger to being alone for long stretches with our son. I stayed in Moscow for part of the weekend, but yesterday I had a hot date, sshh!
James and I went to Pig Out in the Park. Well, let me back up.
I woke up yesterday morning and I couldn't move. I had hurt my back so badly that I could barely lift James. Thankfully after yoga, ibuprofen and icing, I was able to move around. Lovely timing to throw my back out with Tim gone for awhile.
But that wasn't going to stop us from having some Labor Day fun! I pack up a few small things, carefully loaded James in the carseat. He was glowing with excitement....or was that the white sheen from his all-natural, hemp-based sunscreen?
I made it down there with no problem (I detest driving in Spokane), found a parking spot by the Arena, which is a small miracle in itself, and completed a one-try, beautiful parallel park. Loaded the kiddo up, took a picture, and we were off!
We had a total blast! Here are the highs (and lows) of our date:
-A little boy gave James his balloon dog--there are still sweet strangers in the world, yes, even in Spokane.
-We played on the big red wagon and James went nuts. I almost went nuts keeping track of him with all the people. I am so nervous that he might get snatched by some weirdo when I blink or something. As we left we noticed some weirdo asshole relieving himself in the bushes next to the wagon. He wasn't homeless or anything. Just a weirdo who thought it was appropriate to do so AROUND CHILDREN. We stayed far away from him.
-We watched a little boy feeding the ducks, geese and seagulls. I thought James would pee his pants, he was so excited to be so close to the birds! (Well, he probably did, I guess.)
-We started to just wander around the park and heard a man who was about 20 feet behind me yell, "Can somebody find a doctor? My friend needs some help!" I turned around and there was a man lying down, chest heaving irregularly and limbs at odd angles. Several people were calling 911 so I did nothing until I realized that I should try to find a policeman or paramedic. As I left to find one, I heard the ambulance coming and a paramedic was there. I confess: we watched for a little while. The ambulance came down and brave men and women in dark blue FDNY helped the terrified man with the heaving chest. They started him on air and we left as they got out the EKG monitor because I realized that if it were me, I would not want an audience. So I am a little ashamed that we watched for so long and I really hope that man is OK. I was so impressed with the medics. I am not sure I could perform well in a job like that.
-Then we wandered around the food vendors. That was pretty fun! I still can't believe it though...I couldn't find anything to eat for dinner! Ha! I must have circled the vendors about four times. I settled on a lemonade and we decided to go home and have a spinach quiche for Labor Day. Not very patriotic, huh?
Anyway, it was an exciting day for that little guy and his mama. He was sweet all evening, ate a whole slice of quiche and some chicken, and then slept through the night.
I really, really miss Tim. It is a lot harder to parent without a spouse (and a very sore back). But, yesterday's "date" will go down in my memory book for sure.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Chocolate Chips and Facebook
I am currently devouring What's Eating Your Child? by Kellly Dorfman, which discusses the relationship between nutrition and common childhood ailments. Last night I read that some studies have shown that sugar can be as addictive as heroin. Hold on, let me get some more chocolate chips before I continue.
Ok, now I have had my sugar fix.
My thought is that Facebook is as addictive as sugar and heroin. Facebook is evil. Sugar is evil. Heroin is really evil. Why is FB evil? Because they take information that normally should be private and expose it to all of your "friends". They make you believe you have control over your information but they 1) legally have ownership rights to all of the photos you post, 2) make your phone number available to any of your "friends" if you don't opt out and finally 3) are newly broadcasting your location whenever you log into FB (unless you opt out). This last one really gets me. Why does anyone, especially "friends" from high school or the gym who you don't really know, need to be informed whether you are home or not? Isn't that opening us up to a lot of vulnerability? Why does FB default to having these turned on? What is the real reason behind locating devices and owning our photos? What is FB really doing here?
Yes, I know that I sound paranoid and conspiratorial. Not to mention addicted.
You see, I really want to kill my FB page because I am not comfortable with how public it has become, but I can't. I like seeing the pictures and getting back in touch with people I otherwise would not have found.
So here are my options:
1) Clean up and delete my "friends" & block annoying posts. My account is otherwise as private as you can make it.
2) Kill my FB account and start blogging on a regular basis.
3) Leave it status quo and just keep getting pissed off at FB occasionally .
I think that I will probably end up somewhere in between all three options.
I have had some luck decreasing my sugar intake by only allowing myself sweets every other day. Maybe I should wean myself off of FB.
You might see more blogs.
Damn, I am out of chocolate chips.
Ok, now I have had my sugar fix.
My thought is that Facebook is as addictive as sugar and heroin. Facebook is evil. Sugar is evil. Heroin is really evil. Why is FB evil? Because they take information that normally should be private and expose it to all of your "friends". They make you believe you have control over your information but they 1) legally have ownership rights to all of the photos you post, 2) make your phone number available to any of your "friends" if you don't opt out and finally 3) are newly broadcasting your location whenever you log into FB (unless you opt out). This last one really gets me. Why does anyone, especially "friends" from high school or the gym who you don't really know, need to be informed whether you are home or not? Isn't that opening us up to a lot of vulnerability? Why does FB default to having these turned on? What is the real reason behind locating devices and owning our photos? What is FB really doing here?
Yes, I know that I sound paranoid and conspiratorial. Not to mention addicted.
You see, I really want to kill my FB page because I am not comfortable with how public it has become, but I can't. I like seeing the pictures and getting back in touch with people I otherwise would not have found.
So here are my options:
1) Clean up and delete my "friends" & block annoying posts. My account is otherwise as private as you can make it.
2) Kill my FB account and start blogging on a regular basis.
3) Leave it status quo and just keep getting pissed off at FB occasionally .
I think that I will probably end up somewhere in between all three options.
I have had some luck decreasing my sugar intake by only allowing myself sweets every other day. Maybe I should wean myself off of FB.
You might see more blogs.
Damn, I am out of chocolate chips.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Here Comes the Sun...
"Little darlin', it's been a long, hard, lonely winter..."
On Monday we decided to purchase tickets to Florida to visit Tim's grandmother who is very ill. We are leaving on Saturday. That's right, this uber-planner, control freak who doesn't handle last-minute change very well had five days to plan for a week-long "vacation" with a toddler.
To my husband (who is away from home working all the time), this is not a big deal. He doesn't get it. To me, and to other moms out there, you understand. THIS IS A HUGE DEAL!!!!
#1 Reason This is a Big Deal:
Flying with a wiggly, energetic, loud, slobbering, teething, happy, sometimes crabby little boy with a cold. Need I say more.
#2 Reason This is a Big Deal:
It is 40 degrees and snowing here. It is 90 degrees and humid there. I had limited summer clothes for James and didn't know if my summer clothes even fit me anymore.
#3 Reason This is a Big Deal:
I seriously need a pedicure, and don't have time or money to get one. I mean come on have you looked at your wool sock clad winter heels and toes lately?
#4 Reason This is a Big Deal:
My house is a mess and the aforementioned uber-planner, control freak likes to have a clean house to come home to.
#5 Reason This is a Big Deal:
The previously aforementioned (twice) uber-planner control freak had Easter all planned out topped off with an adorable little suit and an egg hunt for Baby James.
But guess what? Now that I am over the shock of all of that, each one of those Big Deals really isn't a big deal and I am so excited...each one has turned into a positive thing.
#1 Reason This is NOT a Big Deal:
Flying with James will be a bit tough, especially considering the horrible teething and cold, BUT Tim will be with me this time and it will be so much easier.
#2 Reason This is NOT a Big Deal:
Who cares if it's 90 degrees? Hell at least I will get some sun! We are going to take James to the beach and to a wilderness area to see the manatees. How awesome is that?
#3 Reason This is NOT a Big Deal:
I can give myself a stinking pedicure and who cares anyway.
#4 Reason This is NOT a Big Deal:
Who cares about the messy house too. Afterall I had a kiddo who messes it up every 5 seconds so what's the point.
#5 Reason This is NOT a Big Deal:
We get to spend Easter with Granda Sue, Grampa Tim and Meme! How fun! James' first Easter will be shared with his granparents and his great-grandma. This means so much to me and Tim and what a fun memory we will have. Plus, that cute little four-piece suit looks awesome with khaki shorts and sandals.
So anyway, we are off to prance in the sun, spend quality time with Meme and hopefully come back with tans and a bit more relaxed.
Ahhh...
On Monday we decided to purchase tickets to Florida to visit Tim's grandmother who is very ill. We are leaving on Saturday. That's right, this uber-planner, control freak who doesn't handle last-minute change very well had five days to plan for a week-long "vacation" with a toddler.
To my husband (who is away from home working all the time), this is not a big deal. He doesn't get it. To me, and to other moms out there, you understand. THIS IS A HUGE DEAL!!!!
#1 Reason This is a Big Deal:
Flying with a wiggly, energetic, loud, slobbering, teething, happy, sometimes crabby little boy with a cold. Need I say more.
#2 Reason This is a Big Deal:
It is 40 degrees and snowing here. It is 90 degrees and humid there. I had limited summer clothes for James and didn't know if my summer clothes even fit me anymore.
#3 Reason This is a Big Deal:
I seriously need a pedicure, and don't have time or money to get one. I mean come on have you looked at your wool sock clad winter heels and toes lately?
#4 Reason This is a Big Deal:
My house is a mess and the aforementioned uber-planner, control freak likes to have a clean house to come home to.
#5 Reason This is a Big Deal:
The previously aforementioned (twice) uber-planner control freak had Easter all planned out topped off with an adorable little suit and an egg hunt for Baby James.
But guess what? Now that I am over the shock of all of that, each one of those Big Deals really isn't a big deal and I am so excited...each one has turned into a positive thing.
#1 Reason This is NOT a Big Deal:
Flying with James will be a bit tough, especially considering the horrible teething and cold, BUT Tim will be with me this time and it will be so much easier.
#2 Reason This is NOT a Big Deal:
Who cares if it's 90 degrees? Hell at least I will get some sun! We are going to take James to the beach and to a wilderness area to see the manatees. How awesome is that?
#3 Reason This is NOT a Big Deal:
I can give myself a stinking pedicure and who cares anyway.
#4 Reason This is NOT a Big Deal:
Who cares about the messy house too. Afterall I had a kiddo who messes it up every 5 seconds so what's the point.
#5 Reason This is NOT a Big Deal:
We get to spend Easter with Granda Sue, Grampa Tim and Meme! How fun! James' first Easter will be shared with his granparents and his great-grandma. This means so much to me and Tim and what a fun memory we will have. Plus, that cute little four-piece suit looks awesome with khaki shorts and sandals.
So anyway, we are off to prance in the sun, spend quality time with Meme and hopefully come back with tans and a bit more relaxed.
Ahhh...
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Suburban Nightmare
So to the Cocolalla Blogger Family: How many of you tear up and feel tugs at your heartstrings reading Lyle's and the other accounts of the trip to Uganda? I for one, feel like I am dragging feet stuck in 12 inches of mud. My husband keeps talking about francophone Africa lately. Hmmm. It's hard not to catch the fire isn't it? Guilt, admiration, love, longing, fear, joy...it's amazing how what these women are doing is touching each of us way back here, too.
Life has been difficult in the Smith family lately (for us middle-class white Americans with a roof over our heads, clothing, heat and too much food. Can you tell the blogs from Uganda have affected me???) Tim has been working out of town from Sunday to Friday. This leaves one day for my husband and James' daddy to love his wife, love his boy, play with his boy, do laundry, re-pack food and clothes, get some yard work done, go on a date with wife, catch up on sleep, bemoan all of the things that going wrong with our house, etc. As you can imagine, it puts some strain on our marriage. He is tired exhausted and trying not to be grumpy.
We have had a few boxing matches. I am a single mom all week, and even though I am blessed to not work right now, it is really hard, and really lonely. Then daddy comes home and mommy has to change things a little, and mommy is not good at that.
Well, the boxing gloves were thrown in the locker this weekend. Yesterday was one of the most mundane life-in-the-suburbs-day imaginable. We woke up, relaxed and played with James until about 1 p.m. or so and it was just nice to relax. Then we donned the work gear, put James in the pack-n-play and got to work in the yard. We gabbed, James played and Tim put up with my ceaseless chatter for about three hours. Then we went out to dinner and had a great time.
Pretty mundane, really. And the best day I have had this spring.
Tim looked at me as he was dozing off last night and told me that he really had fun doing yard work with me and James today. That is something from the guy who hates yard work.
You know, things could be better. We could have more money, live in the country, have leisure time...but I have the love and commitment of a man I love deeply and a little boy whose love for me shines out of his eyes and makes me want to be better.
This stay-at-home, suburban nightmare mom cannot be any happier right now.
Life has been difficult in the Smith family lately (for us middle-class white Americans with a roof over our heads, clothing, heat and too much food. Can you tell the blogs from Uganda have affected me???) Tim has been working out of town from Sunday to Friday. This leaves one day for my husband and James' daddy to love his wife, love his boy, play with his boy, do laundry, re-pack food and clothes, get some yard work done, go on a date with wife, catch up on sleep, bemoan all of the things that going wrong with our house, etc. As you can imagine, it puts some strain on our marriage. He is tired exhausted and trying not to be grumpy.
We have had a few boxing matches. I am a single mom all week, and even though I am blessed to not work right now, it is really hard, and really lonely. Then daddy comes home and mommy has to change things a little, and mommy is not good at that.
Well, the boxing gloves were thrown in the locker this weekend. Yesterday was one of the most mundane life-in-the-suburbs-day imaginable. We woke up, relaxed and played with James until about 1 p.m. or so and it was just nice to relax. Then we donned the work gear, put James in the pack-n-play and got to work in the yard. We gabbed, James played and Tim put up with my ceaseless chatter for about three hours. Then we went out to dinner and had a great time.
Pretty mundane, really. And the best day I have had this spring.
Tim looked at me as he was dozing off last night and told me that he really had fun doing yard work with me and James today. That is something from the guy who hates yard work.
You know, things could be better. We could have more money, live in the country, have leisure time...but I have the love and commitment of a man I love deeply and a little boy whose love for me shines out of his eyes and makes me want to be better.
This stay-at-home, suburban nightmare mom cannot be any happier right now.
Monday, March 21, 2011
What's on my heart...
Most of you know that while not very religious, I am a person of faith. I don't have answers and I am strongly convicted of few things. Last night and this morning I have had my sweet little neice on my heart. She has learned a tough lesson about prayer that even most adults try to understand.
To me, prayer is one of the best things about having faith in God. But, it is also one of the most confusing. My neice is being raised by strong Christian parents with a lot more faith and conviction than me, and they are great parents. She prayed and prayed with all faith for something very specific, and believed in her little heart that it was going to happen. She is only 9 with that kind of faith.
I was 22 when I prayed and prayed and prayed for my good friend's daughter to live. She was about 7 and had been diagnosed with a very large tumor in her stomach. She was so vibrant, sweet and full of promise. I couldn't begin to understand that God wouldn't answer my prayer.
She died two months after she was diagnosed. My friend was only 22 at the time.
It has taken me years and years to reconcile in my heart why God didn't answer our prayers and why he would let something like that happen.
So how do you explain years of healing to a 9 year old whose disappointment surely must be confusing to her? After all, the Bible says to "ask and it shall be given to you." Thankfully her request was not in the least as serious as a dying 7 year-old. I have faith that somehow God will work in her little (big) heart to teach her peace and faith.
Maybe these are sort of a mandatory faith lesson...
I guess there are just things that we can never understand, and life, even the bad stuff and disappointments, just happen. In my simple and oftentimes not-very-mainstream-Christian-mind, I believe that God is there for comfort if we are willing to reach out to him, and prayer is about relationship with God, not getting what we think is good for us.
But really, I don't know...
And I am glad I am not her parents! They are doing a great job with those kiddos.
To me, prayer is one of the best things about having faith in God. But, it is also one of the most confusing. My neice is being raised by strong Christian parents with a lot more faith and conviction than me, and they are great parents. She prayed and prayed with all faith for something very specific, and believed in her little heart that it was going to happen. She is only 9 with that kind of faith.
I was 22 when I prayed and prayed and prayed for my good friend's daughter to live. She was about 7 and had been diagnosed with a very large tumor in her stomach. She was so vibrant, sweet and full of promise. I couldn't begin to understand that God wouldn't answer my prayer.
She died two months after she was diagnosed. My friend was only 22 at the time.
It has taken me years and years to reconcile in my heart why God didn't answer our prayers and why he would let something like that happen.
So how do you explain years of healing to a 9 year old whose disappointment surely must be confusing to her? After all, the Bible says to "ask and it shall be given to you." Thankfully her request was not in the least as serious as a dying 7 year-old. I have faith that somehow God will work in her little (big) heart to teach her peace and faith.
Maybe these are sort of a mandatory faith lesson...
I guess there are just things that we can never understand, and life, even the bad stuff and disappointments, just happen. In my simple and oftentimes not-very-mainstream-Christian-mind, I believe that God is there for comfort if we are willing to reach out to him, and prayer is about relationship with God, not getting what we think is good for us.
But really, I don't know...
And I am glad I am not her parents! They are doing a great job with those kiddos.
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