Rejoice

With every tiny kick, roll and flutter I rejoice.  My baby is still inside!  His heart is strong and the placenta is still intact!  The contractions seem to have stopped and for the moment I am not entering pre-term labor again.  I am overcome by gratitude that this child, so intimately loved, is thriving inside.  I fall to my knees and thank God that he chose me to carry this child and bear this responsibility and has guided Tim and me through this ordeal.

I am incredibly grateful for my husband.  He has barely left my side.  He did not show his concern in the hospital; he chose to remain calm and reassuring, which is what I needed most.  He slept by my side and went over every decision and implication with me.  He has made sure that I can rest and relax at home.  He constantly looks for reassurance by touching my belly every time baby James kicks.  He tells the baby to "stay in there and be good."  He left for work and told me to "Keep that baby in there and stay big and gorgeous."  I fall to my knees and thank God for leading me to the man so perfectly designed for me.

I am so grateful for my parents, who were a constant presence for the last four days.  Their love and selflessness for me overwhelms me.  My mom drove me around to appointments, cleaned, cooked, provided us with meals, vacuumed and lent me her company without thought to her own life and responsibilities.  My dad made numerous hour-long trips between my home and theirs to make sure all of my needs were met.  He helped my husband whenever necessary.  He even took my cat to his hair appointment...if you knew my cat, you would understand that when it's time to be shaved, he really must be shaved.  I fall to my knees and thank God for my amazing parents.  I can only hope to become a shred of the parents to baby James that they have been to me. 

I am so grateful for the emergency personnel, doctors, nurses and midwives involved in helping me through this.  I have had wonderful care at Holy Family and my midwife has been dependable and knowledgeable.  I even got to sit in a fire truck with firemen while they took my pulse and blood pressure.  That was fun!

I am grateful that I am not having regular contractions for the moment and that my cervix is nice and thick.  I do not need to go on bed rest.  Thank God for that.

I am so grateful for the love, prayers and support that I received from all of you.  Your prayers carried me and Tim through during our stay at the hospital.  I literally felt the encouragement and blessings flowing down on us.

I am so entirely grateful for the 20+ pounds I have gained throughout this pregnancy.  There is a purpose to and my baby was protected by those extra pounds.  I am so very thankful that I gained weight that protected him through the accident.

In conclusion, I want to share that for the first time, I have experienced what truly selfless motherly love is.  After the first impact, my airbags went off and then a second later I was impacted very hard from behind.  I screamed and said, "My baby!"  I grabbed my belly and unbuckled my seat belt.  I got out of my crumpled pile of metal and the only thought I had was whether baby James was ok.  Not once did I think about whether I was ok.  Not once did I think about what could have happened to me.  Not once did I consider whether I had any injuries.  It wasn't important and I didn't matter.  I only cared about protecting my child.  It is amazing and eye-opening to experience selfless love.  I never thought it existed in humans, but now I know that it can.

(26 weeks, 2 days)