Giving it a go...

I am going to try to write a quick albeit insightful abstract of labor-delivery-birth-postpartum-parenthood.

Although I am still a proponent of natural childbirth, labor pain is truly excruciating towards the end. I will never regret my decision, however, I was not prepared for how badly the latter part of labor would hurt.

Pushing, while still very painful, is an amazing experience that I actually enjoyed. Feeling my baby come out, feeling his hairy head, having the midwife tell me to "take my baby onto my chest"...it will always bring tears to my eyes.

However I have had a hard time separating my labor & delivery from what happened next. James was born with a lung infection. He was blue and had his eyes not been wide open, I would have thought him dead. As it was, we all thought he was going to die. To spare my emotions I won't go into detail, but he spent 10 days in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit at Sacred Heart and under their excellent care, made a full recovery. I'm not sure mom and dad have fully recovered yet, or ever will.

It is a new place, a new kind of pain, to not know whether your son is going to live. I pray we never have to face it again in our lifetime. I hope we both die before our child does.

Then, he came home and the sleep deprivation started. I can't say much about the initial postpartum because I never really experienced any depression once he came home. My emotions were spent during the ten days at the hospital.

Oh, but I loved being a mom immediately. I love nursing and gazing into those big alert eyes.

I think the only postpartum depression I have experienced was at about 6-7 weeks after a weekend away from home when James wouldn't sleep. I was exhausted and he was fussy. After a particularly difficult day, my husband told me, "You need to spend a day with your mom." So I did. I unloaded all of my emotions and fears on my mom who gently and thoughtfully made me understand that I am normal, I am not crazy, and I am a good mom. I love my mom endlessly.

Now, at about 10 weeks, I am feeling great. My son is sleeping better, nursing well, smiling and cooing. He's pretty great.

My marriage, although faced with a scary situation that no parent wants to face, has come out stronger, wiser and closer. The romance hasn't died, either! Whew!

I'm running regularly and after a lot of consideration, quit my job. This, although a huge adjustment, has reduced our stress level. Well, my stress level anyway. We'll have to tighten our belts but we can do it.

Did I mention that I love being a mom? I am overcome with how much I fall in love with James every day. My husband falls in love with him more everyday, and while our marriage is treading the unknown waters of parenthood, we still love, have fun, and enjoy each other with our new addition.